ARIES

Learn something new this

Week, like how to avoid the

Bear trap in the yard

TAURUS

The ghosts haunting you

Request more warning before

You use the bathroom

GEMINI

Skill saws are less fun

But do not require as much

Skill as you might think

CANCER

You let the genie

Out of the bottle, now you

Get to shut your mouth

LEO

Don't gamble with your

Life, instead bet something that

Is valuable

VIRGO

You will feel like a

High roller this week, until

You learn how to count

LIBRA

Though gambling is a

Sin, it's probably not worse

Than killing gamblers

SCORPIO

You'll be invited

To a classy affair, so

Wear a classy noose

SAGITTARIUS

Though misery may

Love company, it's getting

Sick of your visits

CAPRICORN

Music won't soothe the

Savage beast but you can club

It with the guitar

AQUARIUS

Helping others is

Not meant to entail helping

Them get arrested

PISCES

The rock gods smile on

You are your decision to

Stop writing rock songs

 

haikuhoroscopes.com

Published in Volume 78, Number 22 of The Uniter (March 21, 2024)