The Toy Basket: Tied Up, But Not Twisted

A weekend warrior’s guide to safe BDSM

Well, kittens. I had to address it at some point. Your Aunt Bunny gets asked a lot of questions about a certain best selling novel, and I’m not talking about the bible.

The problem with modelling your private life after erotic fiction is that when you close a book, those characters cease to exist. Getting experimental with your real life sex friend may have implications on your dynamic, so let’s keep it safe and fun.

The first thing you need to understand is that in a sub/dom relationship, it’s really the submissive that has the control. A partner who enjoys being in a sexually dominant role should understand boundaries and be able to respect them. If you find yourself with someone who is forcing you into submission for their own enjoyment - get out. There is a big difference between bondage and abuse.

There are a lot of inexpensive and fun toys on the market for a curious beginner. Check out Smitten on Osborne’s ever expanding kink section.

 

Blindfold

This one is pretty standard, but super fun. Not being able to tell what’s going to happen next can be titillating as all get out- especially if you have a creative partner.

Sometimes in sub/dom sex play, the language can include the submissive playfully begging for mercy, which can become confusing without an established “STOP” sign. Since you will not be able to communicate with eye contact, having a non-sexual “safe word” is best.

Try keeping a few easy to acquire items by the bed such as warm message oil, ice cubes, silk scarves, feathers, or anything with unique texture.

 

Bondage Tape

This stuff is fantastic for restricting a willing partner, and it comes in a variety of delicious colours. It sticks to itself and nothing else, so it doesn’t ruin fabric or grab onto hair.

A lot of people go for novelty handcuffs, but be careful - they can push up against pressure points and make for a more uncomfortable experience than intended. You’ll get loads of tape for around the $10 mark - so this is really the best choice for a first timer. Now add the tape to the blindfold, and get those ice cubes in here... and... wait, what was I saying?

 

Paddles

Do you deserve a spanking? Grab something wide, and ask a sales associate if you can test it out lightly over your clothes. You want to start with something mild that still delivers a fun sound on impact.

There are fun games you can play with these. Let the dominant partner set some “rules” and have a good strike with the paddle being the punishment for breaking them. This is a great example of how a submissive has all the “real” control- because they usually break the rules on purpose, those naughty beasts.

 

As usual, playthings - we’ve only scratched the surface on what is a very exciting subject matter. Be sure to do your research, grab a partner you trust, and stay out of any grey areas.

Great sites to explore:

www.fetlife.com

www.submissiveguide.com

Published in Volume 68, Number 26 of The Uniter (May 7, 2014)

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