Whose house? Futuremayor’s house.

Nicholas Luchak

Several hundred years from now and several hundred feet below Portage and Main, Futuremayor sits in the dilapidated laser-pyramid known as City Hall. The mayor’s job has changed plenty over the years. Since humans no longer exist, Futuremayor (who was engineered to rule with an iron claw) watches over the vast wasteland that is Winnipeg through a periscope found at the Brady Road landfill. 

“I remember a time when the humans roamed the city, but that was when we were still part of Canada,” Futuremayor says with a laugh. “It’s much easier to look after the squirrels and the rabbits. Who thought they’d outlast people, giraffes and the Internet?” 

With voting having been replaced in 2146 (mayors have since been chosen by guessing how many loonies are in a jar, and then having to use the jar as the budget for their term), Futuremayor longs for a simpler time. 

“Campaigning would have been interesting,” they say. “The fact that I’ve never been able to kiss a baby, shake a hand or participate in a forum or debate makes me feel feelings which I cannot describe. Literally. I don’t feel feelings.”

1) Human Rights Museum poster

“It’s just a silly little piece of nostalgia. Of course, the Human Rights Museum was turned into an Apple Store soon after the human race was extinguished, but sometimes it’s nice to reflect on the past. I always found it humorous that the humans would model this building after a coiled snake of their own feces.”

2) Guitar

“I have no idea what this is or how it got here.”

3) Lazer gun

“It’s the future, so we definitely have these.”

4) The All Seeing Orb of the Albert

“This relic was found under the Royal Albert before it became the Tijuana Yacht Club Youth Centre. I don’t know how the city was run without this thing. It can literally tell you the outcome of any situation, though somehow we’re still unable to figure out how to correctly implement Winnipeg’s new Rapid-Teleport System.”

5) Rapit-Teleport System

“Rapid Bus Transit worked great and was in place for years, but Winnipeggers want this Rapid Teleport System to get finished, and they want it yesterday. Despite our best people being on it, it still only transports half of your molecules and sometimes turns your hair green. I don’t know how it works. My knowledge is limited - I’m just a politician, and no, I’ve never seen Star Trek. but I’m told I’m a Spock.”

Published in Volume 69, Number 7 of The Uniter (October 15, 2014)

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