Spare the change

All right kids, it’s resolution season.

There are a lot of things I could probably change about myself to make my life tidier, but I’ve decided to dedicate this year to complete and unconditional self-love.

If I’m going to achieve something, I want to know I did it as myself, and most of the incidences I’ve stayed up biting my nails over are the ones that lead me on the most exciting adventures.

So here it is, dear reader - a list of qualities that I used to see as flaws, and how I am going to justify not doing anything about them starting… now.

1. I am completely self-centred

If you tell me a personal story, it will remind me of an experience I’ve had and I’ll probably use that to relate to you rather than asking you a bunch of questions.

If you want me to do something that I don’t want to do, I probably won’t do it.

If I don’t like you, I’ll maintain a pleasant distance without ever making an effort to know anything about you.

When I want to leave a party, I say quick goodbyes and leave.

I’m sure this makes me unapproachable, un-dateable and just not very nice, but judging by the lovely people who know “the real me,” and still choose to have me in their lives, I think being in your own corner can actually get you a long way.

This year, I propose we all say “fuck it” and stop trying to change the things that make us who we are

2. I am not exactly “hard to get”

Look, buddy - if I like-like you, you’re going to know about it. I’ll probably give you lots of compliments, make out with you at every opportunity, buy you candy and develop a stutter anytime our hands brush up against each other.

I understand the “thrill of the chase” but in this Twitter-paced world we can hardly claim to be “hunter gatherers” anymore.

Call me crazy, but I find the real thrill is when two attractive people stop running and enjoy a nice bottle of wine together.

3. I am fickle

I’ve seen a handful of projects through from beginning to end while thousands of others lie on the cutting room floor of my life. Ask me about when I went to hair school, decided to open my own lingerie shop or how much my weight has fluctuated over the years.

I get excited about things but often run out of steam or get distracted by something newer and shinier before I can achieve anything substantial. I could call myself a flake, but I’ve decided I’m just the Kramer to your Seinfeld or the Six to your Blossom. You need me for the ratings.

I could also mention my messy room, but after years of romantic comedies I’ve already accepted this as a charmingly bohemian personal trait.

This year, I propose we all say “fuck it” and stop trying to change the things that make us who we are.

Unless those things are murderous rampages or making out in front of me. Not cool.

Melanie Dahling won’t ever change, so you’ll just have to deal with it. Visit her blog at

Published in Volume 66, Number 16 of The Uniter (January 18, 2012)

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