Thank you for all the support and positive feedback from my first column.

The stats on my blog show that more people are finding me through search engines, which is great – not just for the ego boost, but also the health benefits a person receives from getting Googled on the regular.

I’ve been toying with a lot of ideas for this week but the one that got the most empathetic eye-rolls from my friends was the subject of “Sad Macks,” the kind of guys (or girls) who feel safe enough behind their computer screens to throw foul suggestions at you no matter how many error messages they get.

I should clarify that not all Internet attention is bad attention and I understand what it is to be shy. I wouldn’t be a comedian if I didn’t have just a touch of social anxiety, and I have used social networking as a way to break the ice with someone I find attractive or interesting.

However, there is a difference between striking up a conversation and “sad macking.”

Here’s a look at the makes and models of sad Mackers:

I Know You But You Don’t Know Me

He shoots you a friendly message explaining that he has seen you around before and recognized your picture. You reply suggesting that he say hello next time he runs into you. What follows are a series of “I saw you on the bus today” and “You looked good in those jeans” messages that turn your workouts into “I’m going to kick that guy’s ass like in that movie with Jennifer Lopez” training montages.

Status Vulture

You’ve recently become available and now you’re a hot iron that this Mack is just dying to strike. You may have had a couple conversations before but suddenly you have a ton in common and should totally get together at 3 a.m. on a weeknight to “catch up.” “Oh and by the way how is your boyfriend? What? You’re single?” He had no idea…

Fine Wine

Old men dig me. This will come in handy if I ever meet Malcolm McDowell, but somehow the 60+ men in my life aren’t charmingly accented types in nice suits. They figure out how to use the Internet and go from zero to dirty. What I hate most about this is the presumptuous nature of it. When you’re on a computer that your grandson hooked up for you cruising the net for 20-something-year-old girls, I would hope you would be at least slightly aware of how ridiculous that is.

I could go on, but my point is this: Talking dirty to me online will get you nowhere. The sexiest message I ever got on Facebook was, “You seem interesting, would you like to go out sometime?” It is refreshing to talk to someone who can be both straightforward and polite.

The Internet is hardly anonymous anymore. Let’s rise above our biology and use a little decorum, shall we?

Craving more Melanie? Visit http://melaniedahling.wordpress.com.

Published in Volume 66, Number 6 of The Uniter (October 5, 2011)