Some Winnipeggers have found sexual freedom through polyamorism – consensual non-monogamy – but they understand communication and societal pressure are obstacles along the way.

Often portrayed in the media as polygamy, this is only one type of polyamorous lifestyle.

Through open communication, these relationships have taken many forms with three, four or however many people are willing to be involved with each other.

“It offers the opportunity to explore relationships to whatever level they are going to be at or what you want them to be,” said Andrea Tait-Eros, who has been polyamorous for nearly all her adult life. “It’s very customizable.”

She and her husband have been together for nearly 10 years and have never been monogamous.

They feel strongly about the freedom to explore their sexuality through different experiences and partners, but she also recognizes that there are different expectations in these relationships that have to be made known.

“I think that there is a bigger emphasis on communication and figuring out what you want out of a relationship,” said Tait-Eros.

Rhonda Chegus, director of counselling for non-profit downtown organization The Family Centre, said that there are pitfalls that many couples may not realize before they jump into these types of relationships.

“I think sometimes people are not prepared for the amount of work and investment that they are going to have to put into those types of relationships if the goal is emotional satisfaction,” stated Chegus, who has worked with families for 30 years.

She believes that the lack of open communication and foresight has caused negative consequences in these types of relationships.

Some couples have come in for counselling in situations where one person has fallen in love with the extra partner and they now have to deal with repercussions.

Michael Nerman, who has lived a polyamorous lifestyle in the past, said that these relationships are outside the social norm and need to be managed differently.

“With polyamory, there are so many ways that the relationship can go, you really have to negotiate and talk about it every step of the way,” said Nerman.

Reece Malone, who is completing his doctorate in Sexology from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, believes the negative stereotypes of these relationships need to change.

“One of the issues that I think socially we shy away from is the idea that people have the capacity to love more than one person,” said Malone. “Open relationships are a viable option for people who feel that monogamy, or a one-partner relationship, is not for them.”

Published in Volume 65, Number 17 of The Uniter (January 27, 2011)