Haiku Horoscopes
by Jonathan Ball, Registered Fraud
ARIES
The dragon you slayed
The other week? Turns out it
Was your long-lost bro
TAURUS
If anyone ask
When we got here the lock was
Off, dragon was gone
GEMINI
You will be annoyed
By those little tiny flies
What's the deal with them?
CANCER
We are all out of
Liberty but you can have
Your second choice free
LEO
You will be dismayed
To learn it is not the thought
That counts but the size
VIRGO
Your favourite show
Will be cancelled, forcing you
To get some real friends
LIBRA
After long years speant
Searching in vain, you will find
Love in the wrong place
SCORPIO
Congratulations!
So much will go wrong this week
You'll break your record
SAGITTARIUS
Long story short, you
Will wakeup to find that the
Dream made much more sense
CAPRICORN
You can only puch
Your luck so far before it
Snaps and kicks your ass
AQUARIUS
More than your feeling
Will be hurt by the endless
Swarm of killer bees
PISCES
If just one person
Is helped by your efforts, then
They were not worthwhile
Published in Volume 78, Number 21 of The Uniter (March 14, 2024)