Haiku Horoscopes
by Jonathan Ball, Registered Fraud
Aries
It's time that you did
Something about that wombat
Who owes you money
Taurus
A nod is good
As a wink to somebody
Who says crap like that
Gemini
As you near the end
Of your life you will learn that
The meat was rancid
Cancer
Only seven days
Until you realise that
You waste the week
Leo
Your plan is to produce
The word's greatest novel has
One fatal flaw: You
Virgo
Though all your plans fail
Take solace in the knowledge
That nobody cares
Libra
Guns don't kill people
Ignore what the murderer
Says and arrest him
Scorpio
One last chance to win
Her heart, after that it will
Hit the black market
Sagittarius
Getting you and your
Son arrested does not count
As quality time
Capricorn
Waffles are a great
Way to start a day filled with
Longing for waffles
Aquarius
Popcorn is a good
Snack that combines gum damage
With low nutrients
Pisces
I was too harsh on
Popcorn back there, that's because
It stole my lover
Published in Volume 78, Number 20 of The Uniter (March 7, 2024)