A lot of people get all grumpy pants this time of year and I refuse to contribute to all the doom and gloom with another “I don’t have a boyfriend/Orange Crush for one” column.

I couldn’t be more excited for the holiday season.

School’s out, people smile at each other a little more, plus everywhere smells all mulled and whatnot.

Yeah, the songs can get annoying and you have a million gifts to buy, then there’s that dinner you said you’d make, but I say fuck it if it gets you down.

Wear headphones, spend time with people instead of buying them shit and have a potluck.

Whatever you focus on expands, and there has to be at least one thing you like about this time of year, you old Scrooge-face.

Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, glitter and baked goods are hardly religious rites.

If you really can’t think of anything fun to do, you may borrow some of my holiday traditions:

1. Cycle through all my favorite Christmas movies starting Dec. 1 - You can tune in to my blog for a comprehensive list, but for now I’ll say that Christmas Eve wouldn’t be the same without Jimmy Stewart, Rum and soynog, and crying a couple “true meaning of Christmas” tears.

2. Put up the Christmas tree with Mom and listen to Hawklsey Workman’s Almost a Full Moon - Mix it in with some general favourites and some Starbucks compilation I bought a long time ago. Say what you will, they make a good mixed CD.

3. Have a cookie day with my friend, Alysa - We make cookies with fun-shaped cookie cutters and then we package them for our loved ones. Why yes, we are too cute - thank you.

4. Catch up with friends - I have some time off from school and I can’t wait for the influx of coffee dates and cozy dinner parties. I know you’re expecting me to talk about ice skating or some shit, and every year I say I’ll do that, but well… it’s cold.

5. Buy Presents! - I actually love Christmas shopping because I’ve never approached it from the “fabulous cash prizes” angle. I like to find little thoughtful things for each person that say, “Hey, remember when you were talking about your interests? I was listening.”

I have a lot of fun thinking up ideas or browsing interesting shops to find just the right item. Failing that, there’s always that wall of gift cards at Superstore. They have everything from Babies “R” Us to The Keg.

Oh - please don’t give those to the same people unless your other gift is babysitting. Melanie likes fine dining and she likes babies, just not together.

So, dear reader, I hope I’ve given you just a little bit to be merry about this year.

And, remember - if you’re stressed about having a date for that big staff party, relax. Rum and soynog travel just fine in an opaque water bottle.

Catch Melanie at the Albert Street Fyxx Comedy Night, the first Friday of each month from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. Have a question about relationships you’d like her to address in a future column? Email it to [email protected] with “Open Relationship” in the subject line. Visit http://melaniedahling.wordpress.com.

Published in Volume 66, Number 14 of The Uniter (November 30, 2011)