A few weeks ago, my Internet and cable service provider stopped calling me and it really freaked me out.
My Internet and cable service provider and I go way back. Over the years we’ve had a lot of good times, a few bad times and have become very close.
They usually call me about four times a week to offer me great promotional deals on stuff. It’s awesome. I never want the stuff they’re offering and they usually call at really inconvenient times, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone out there who really cares about me.
A few years ago I had a similar relationship with a credit card company. We kept in touch via written correspondence. They sent me credit card application forms every week, and I sent them clumps of hair, raisins and band-aids in the postage paid envelopes they were always kind enough to provide. Strangely enough, it took me actually moving away from my old place for them to stop sending me the applications, regardless of what I sent back to them. I often think about how much I miss that correspondence.
So, you can probably understand why I was so upset when my Internet and cable service provider stopped calling.
At first I just thought they were being neglectful. I was even a little cheesed. But then after three days straight without a phone call offering me something I didn’t want, I knew something had to be up.
I went to the police, but they were no help. They told me three days without a phone call from my Internet and cable service provider was not a reasonable cause for alarm and that I should stop huffing paint and go home. I did neither; I was on a mission.
I made some posters that read, “Have you seen this Internet and cable service provider?” and began putting them up in my neighbourhood. I didn’t have a picture of my provider so I just used a picture of a puppy. I got a lot of calls, but none led me to my beloved company, though I did get a pretty sweet puppy out of the deal.
I was about to give up all hope until, while sitting on a curb downtown, my phone rang. I almost dropped the bag of paint I was huffing when I saw who it was: my Internet and cable service provider.
I picked up the phone and a nice lady asked me if I was satisfied with my current cable package. I told her how worried I’d been and then scolded her loudly for not calling. I think my enthusiasm may have freaked her out a little bit because she told me she was going to report me to her supervisor as a possible security risk.
Then, 10 minutes later, a nice lady called me from the same number and asked me if I was satisfied with my Internet service provider.
J. Williamez doesn’t want you to think he only receives phone calls from telemarketers. Friends call him. Sometimes.
Published in Volume 64, Number 21 of The Uniter (March 4, 2010)