They just wanna, they just wanna…?

I like relationships. Not only do I like relationships, but I’d like to be in one.

I feel vulnerable admitting to this to you, dear reader, because it doesn’t feel like the popular opinion in today’s fast paced “more more more” world.

Why get a small bag of popcorn when a drum full is only a few cents extra?

Why date one person when you can live your life like a Moxie’s billboard?

Thing is, I’ve never understood when people say, “Just have fun and be single for a while.”

Are there great things about being single? Sure. But when I’ve made the commitment to being with someone it’s because I’ve thought he was a pretty rad human being, someone with whom I can do fun things and have new experiences with.

Is the definition of “fun” restricted to having sex with strangers?

First off, maybe I am looking in the wrong places, but I rarely meet guys who I want in a purely physical way.

I suppose it would be a lot easier if I did, but I am cursed with being attracted to a man not only for his looks but also the content of his character. Martin Luther King said that, didn’t he…? Close enough.

Secondly, I can have fun in a lot of ways that don’t involve nudity. Like go-carting, dancing to rock bands, or Jenga. (Side note: a date involving all three of these things may get you closer to aforementioned nudity.)

Over the summer I tried this thing where I went on a bunch of dates with different dudes in search of the elusive single life that I so often see depicted on TV.

Through this experiment I discovered two things.

The first is that I am a fucking catch. Seriously. And, the second is that I think casual dating is a total bore.

I found that I’d rather be completely single and hang out with my already fun friends, or go on dates with someone whom I feel a deep attraction for.

Anything in-between felt like walking through peanut butter, and I do not want to drag myself through another agonizing “What do you do for fun? Do you have brothers or sisters?” conversation if I can help it.

I even briefly wanted to “take a lover” and was unable to find one sans drama.

I tried to re-write my romantic life as a madcap romp with zany misadventures, but in the end I just want to know that I have a dance partner when a cheesy R&B song from the ‘90s comes on at a wedding social (ie. anything by All-4-One).

If I was ever with someone who made me feel restricted or like I couldn’t have fun, I don’t think that I would be with them for very long.

I’ve always encouraged my romantic partners to have a life outside of me and I’ve never asked for much more than devotion, a lot of kisses and a good night phone call.

What’s not fun about that?

Melanie recently made the top ten in the Winnipeg’s Gone Wacky competition. Come check out her standup act on Nov. 24 at Essence (Canad Inns Garden City) where she will compete for all sorts of wealth and acclaim. Have a question about relationships you’d like her to address in a future column? Email it to with “Open Relationship” in the subject line.

Published in Volume 66, Number 12 of The Uniter (November 17, 2011)

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