As citizens of a society, it is our duty to act as ethically as we can. However, in our quest to do the right thing, sometimes we misjudge the consequences of a particular action and end up doing something that we later regret.

There are a lot of examples of this; each of us have probably been in this very situation dozens of times. This week, I’d like to deal specifically with one example.

Anyone who has ever played hooky from school or been unemployed (or who has been my grandmother) is well acquainted with the daytime television game show called The Price Is Right.

The show features excitable people competing for prizes by guessing the prices of everyday items and spinning a giant wheel covered in numbers. The show’s host, until recently, was a kind and gentle old man named Bob Barker who would stand, show after show, calmly poised, holding a long, skinny microphone.

Unlike most game show hosts, Bob Barker had a special message to pass along to his viewers – one that really set him apart in the field of game show hostery. At the end of every broadcast, he would tell his audience to help control the pet population by having their pets spayed or neutered.

This always seemed to me like a strange thing for a game show host to say. It really had nothing at all to do with the show, it was just sort of what Bob always said and no one seemed to question it. I’m sure Bob meant well by giving this advice to his viewers, but what he might not have considered is how dogs and cats might feel about his cause. I find it hard to believe that the future recipients of the Barker Procedure, as I sometimes like to call it, would think that his crusade stopped anywhere short of being absolutely sadistic.

 

“ Sure, Bob Barker is doing what he thinks is right, but is he doing what horny cats and dogs think is right?

One thing I know for sure is that if there were a famous television personality who, on a daily basis, said something along the lines of “thanks for watching and don’t forget to cut off J. Williamez’s balls,” he or she would most definitely be justified in expecting a punch in the mouth from this guy.

This is a good example of how the subjectivity of morality makes it hard to make the “ethical” decision. Sure, Bob Barker is doing what he thinks is right, but is he doing what horny cats and dogs think is right?

I guess what I’m getting at here is that no matter what you do in life, you will never be able to please everyone. All you can really do is what you think is right, whatever the price. Then, stand behind your decisions while hoping that there aren’t millions of nutless cats and dogs waiting to tear you to pieces in hell.

Good luck, Bob.

J. Williamez is a local musician with enough free time in the day to think this stuff up. See him Wednesday nights at Shannon’s Irish Pub.

Published in Volume 64, Number 4 of The Uniter (September 24, 2009)