Some months ago, I expressed my opinion about honouring deceased loved ones on Facebook and was met with a mixed bag of responses. Many people agree – Facebook (or “The Book” as I often call it) is a great means of immortalizing a dead friend or relative.

However, making grieving publicly via your status feed your sole means of grieving can cheapen the ritual of mourning.

Whether you’re creating a Facebook page, a photo album dedicated to this person or sending them a message to their old profile, social websites can help us mourn in an effective, modern way.

When I honour dead friends and relatives, of course I join the Facebook page created in their memory, but I also visit the cemetery to say a few words to the person in private.

Visiting places I enjoyed being with this person or looking through old pictures brings back fond memories. Social networking websites can never be a replacement for communicating with the deceased, and paying tribute in person.

If I was buried under six feet of soil and my soul was travelling through the realms of some parallel afterlife dimension, I sure as hell wouldn’t be on Facebook reading messages.

To help its members honour deceased friends and family, Facebook offers the option of memorializing accounts. This saves one the hurt of having to delete a deceased friend’s profile or have it be deactivated and disappear into the cyber abyss.

Once an account is memorialized its privacy is set so that only authorized friends can find the page in a search, view it or write on its wall. Any future attempt to log into the account is also disabled.

Although finding out that someone you know has died is never easy, whether it’s in person, on the phone or via the Internet, the benefit of having a social networking website to announce a service for the deceased is important.

What better means of communication to inform friends and family of a service or meeting to honour the life of someone dear? Websites such as Twitter and Facebook were crucial during the recent unrest in Northern Africa, as they were used to organize protest locations and times, as well as to spread the message to the younger generations.

I can’t say that grieving through a social network makes handling difficult situations any easier, but it is a modern platform that has changed the way we mourn our loved ones, whether we like it or not. 

That being said, a deceased friend’s profile can be a means of remembering great times, and it allows you to look over pictures of you and that person, in much the same way that a photo album (a book with sleeves to insert photographs, remember those?) does.

However, visiting the cemetery to lay some flowers, or visiting a place you and your friend or loved one once enjoyed can bring inner peace and comfort that a website just can’t.

Dallas Kitchen apparently spends too much time on Facebook. Visit his blog at www.dallaskitchen.ca.

Published in Volume 66, Number 3 of The Uniter (September 15, 2011)