Awards for excellence and idiocy in sport

Sports buffs dish out some imaginary hardware for the best and worst of 2008

Robert Huynh
Robert Huynh
Robert Huynh

While everyone has made their New Year’s resolutions for 2009 (and probably already broke them), we at The Uniter decided to look back at 2008, and found it was full of everything from dominant performances to hilarious parody.

And so, for your reading pleasure, regular Uniter contributors (and the cast of the Ultra Mega Sports Show) Jo Villaverde, Marko Bilandzija, Brad Pennington and Adam Johnston have put together their nominations for the best and worst performances in sport.

Team of the Year

Each team on this list have had inspiring performances and accomplished near unbelievable feats in 2008. The nominees are:

  • Miami Dolphins—For bouncing back from 1-15 to make the playoffs
  • San Jose Sharks—For not losing a home game in regulation this season
  • Manchester United—For winning the Champions League and the Premiership Title
  • Boston Celtics—For winning the NBA Championship, and for their 19 game winning streak

Winner: Boston Celtics

Disappointment of the Year

These nominees not only failed to live up to expectations but also will be remembered in infamy for their complete lack of talent. The nominees are:

  • Detroit Lions—For finishing 0-16
  • Winnipeg Blue Bombers—For a poor follow up to their finals run last year
  • New England Patriots—For missing the playoffs after last year’s near undefeated season
  • Toronto Raptors—For creating so much hype but still failing to put together a decent record
  • Canadian Men’s Soccer Team—For still failing to create any excitement for Canadian fans

Winner: Detroit Lions

Athlete of the Year

Much like the Team of the Year award, these athletes have truly performed in a way that will never be forgotten. The nominees are:

  • Michael Phelps—For winning eight Olympic gold medals
  • Alexander Ovechkin—For carrying the Washington Capitals on his shoulders and leading them to the playoffs
  • Evgeni Malkin—For stepping out of Sidney Crosby’s shadow and proving he can play without Sid the Kid
  • Kobe Bryant—For carrying the LA Lakers all the way to the finals
  • David Villa—For leading the Spanish squad to Euro gold

Winner: Michael Phelps

Biggest Surprise

Every so often their are a few events that shock the sports world. These nominees will never be forgotten for what has happened in 2008:

  • Brett Favre—For retiring then unretiring and playing for the New York Jets
  • Miami Dolphins—and Chad Pennington For having a comeback season that no one could have predicted
  • Tennessee Titans—For being the best team in the NFL in the regular season
  • Detroit Lions—For showing what the opposite of perfection is
  • Real Madrid—For firing manager Bernd Schuster
  • Champions League—For having an all English final
  • Seattle Supersonics’ move to Oklahoma to become the Thunder—For reminding us that the Jets left Winnipeg despite how crazy the fans were about their team

Winner: Miami Dolphins and Chad Pennington

Wickedest Awesome Award

This award needs some explaining. The criteria for the Wickedest Awesome Award is very vague. It pretty much just goes to someone who deserves an award for any possible reason:

Jo—For being a soccer player with only one name, like Pelé or Madonna
Tony Romo—For having “swagger”
Sean Avery—For being Sean Avery no matter what

Winner: Tony Romo

Biggest Injury

2008 has been devastating for injuries. The following are the nominees for the worst injuries:

Tom Brady—For being out for the entire ‘08/‘09 season after the first game
Eduardo Da Silva—For breaking his leg
Tony Romo—For being out for a short period of time with a pinky injury. How lame
Tiger Woods—For single-handedly plummeting the golf TV ratings by being injured

Winner: Tiger Woods

Cry Baby Award

Most of these nominees are repeat offenders. Let’s hope they don’t make the list next year, but here are the nominees:

Cristiano Ronaldo—For demanding so much money while a team demanded respect
Tony Romo—For his pinky… Seriously!
Terrel Owens—For complaining that Tony Romo favoured Jason Witten. A quiet year for him actually
Sean Avery—For causing so much of a fuss with his off-ice issues

Winner: Cristiano Ronaldo

Story of the Year

All the winners of each award before this one get nominated for this award. The winner is simply the most impressive story of the year.

And the winner is: The Miami Dolphins and Chad Pennington’s comeback season was incredible.

They were able to knock off the New England Patriots and the New York Jets from playoff contention. This is the definition of a Cinderella story.

Disagree with our picks or think there was something we missed? E-mail [email protected] and get your thoughts heard. Tune into the Ultra Mega Sports Show on Mondays at 12:00 p.m. on CKUW, 95.9 FM.

Published in Volume 63, Number 17 of The Uniter (January 22, 2009)

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