Point 1

Winnipeg city councillor, MLA and MP salaries should be capped at the wage of the lowest-paid citizen in their respective ridings to provide committed public servants with a factual understanding of what life is like on the bottom rungs of their constituency’s economic ladder. This provides the added bonus of creating at least 50 new jobs as we witness a mass exodus of self-interested goofs from the city’s political landscape.

Point 2

Elective – and paid – full-day seminars for all citizens on the history and legacy of residential schools. Citizens who opt out are obliged to pay a seven per cent Civic Stupidity Tax.

Point 3

Property tax reduction for any home or business owner that converts a reasonable portion of their useless lawn or rooftop into either a community vegetable garden or a dunk-tank for councillors that vote in favour of selling off public utilities to private interests.

Point 4

A bylaw prohibiting the return of an NHL franchise to Winnipeg, unless it is placed in the Northeast Division.

Point 5

Portage Avenue – from Omand’s Creek to Fort Street – is to be closed to all non-muscle, non-street rod, non-classic vehicle traffic every Sunday from 7 p.m. until midnight. Violators, including cyclists, will be ticketed.
Any muscle, street rod or classic vehicle traffic found on that section of Portage Avenue before or after those hours will be impounded and compacted in a public trash compacting at Polo Park the following Sunday afternoon. Families are welcome.

Chris Hannah is the front man for Propagandhi. In 2007, he was voted the second worst Canadian of all-time in a poll conducted by Canada’s History Magazine.

Published in Volume 65, Number 25 of The Uniter (March 31, 2011)