Shut the fuck up in the corporate suite

I just returned from today’s Wesmen game. The event was led up to by the UWSA’s profoundly successful Sno-balls of Fury pep rally. SOSA (Students of Science Association) won the tournament and various prizes including watching that night’s Wesmen games from the corporate suite.

All was well and jolly (with two free large pizzas and good deals on beverages). I was not on the team that won, but did end up in the corporate suite with the team to watch the games. We were hooting and hollering and yelling and screaming as most do during sporting events. Good times, until someone - allegedly one of the Wesmen women’s coaches - called security to the corporate box during the men’s game.

This, of course, begs the question: If we are not to yell and be vocal through the window in the corporate suite (like nearly every other fan in attendance), then why exactly is there a window? Merely for good air circulation? Please.

A large man came to the suite and said that we had to calm down.

I did not understand this.

Nobody swore.

Nobody used offensive language.

Nobody yelled anything obscene.

Nobody broke anything.

Nobody caused any ruckus of any sort.

The stated issue was that we were yelling out of the open window from the press box. What did we yell? This is going to be cliche, but here are some of the cliche utterances: “Hustle!”; “Where’s the D?!”; “Go Wesmen!”; “Go number [insert number here]”; “Whooo!”

This, apparently, was problematic enough for security to be called.

When the man arrived and I asked him what the problem was, he said that the corporate box was “a prestigious area.” Congratulations for reinforcing social hierarchies. It’s demonstrably clear that at any/all sporting events, the status quo is to show team spirit and yell and cheer for the home team. Or the away team if you so choose. What the hell. Freedom of speech, right? Apparently not, according to some members of the U of W Wesmen staff with highly invested, but not fully thought-out opinions regarding fans. According to some Wesmen staff, fans should simply shut the fuck up during Wesmen games if they’re in the corporate suite.

Remind me to bring my top hat and monocle next time I end up in a corporate suite or media press box. Because if I’m not physically reminded of my role in society, I will resort to being myself, a passionate sports fan. What a true and shameful person to be.

I invite the woman who called in the audible complaint via cellphone, and the man who came and told us to calm down to answer why, in the corporate suite, we cannot benevolently cheer for our team, like the bulk of society.

The young, naive me thought that progressive, first-world societies like ours had done away with the notion of the dirty, poor, barbaric plebeians in the bleachers, versus the civilized, high-class bourgeois in suites.

The current, furious, authority-questioning me has learned so much better.