Typically, The Uniter’s weekly Whose House feature showcases the homes of local artists, professionals and personalities. It’s sort of our little Winnipeg version of MTV Cribs. For our online exclusive issues, however, we like to do something a little special.

For last year’s reading week, we looked at the homes of Uniter staff. But for the first-ever fall reading week, we thought we’d do something extra special:

CATS!!!

Yes. We have cats*. You love cats. We want to share our cats with you. We want you to know and love our cats as we know and love our cats. We want you to long for their cuddles and wither with jealousy knowing those cuddles are ours, not yours.

But wait! There’s more!

While you can’t cuddle our cats, you can win a professional, framed photo of one of our cats (our cat, not yours). Simply vote for your favourite cat. One lucky voter will win the photo of the most-voted-for cat!

Scroll to the bottom of the article for more information on how to vote for a cat and win.

*Note: You may notice some of the cats featured are, in fact, dogs. While we at The Uniter realize that dogs are not actually cats, we decided that since this is the online issue, and cats are the most meme-tastic of all pets, for the purposes of this article, even dogs are cats.

 

Mojo

Occupation: Professional dandy
Hobbies: Enjoys playing games, but only in secret. He leaves evidence of play about the house in order to add to his air of mystery.
Human: Anastasia Chipelski (Managing Editor)

 

Mr. Pickles

Occupation: Apprentice dog, seeking a new mentor
Hobbies: Listening to sad mixtapes, especially anything by The National
Human: Anastasia Chipelski (Managing Editor)

 

Whiskey

Occupation: Former metal musician
Hobbies: Burrowing in the covers
Human: Alana Trachenko (City Editor)

 

Ying

Occupation: Editor of Litter News, a cat’s guide to the daily world
Hobbies: Ballet
Human: Alana Trachenko (City Editor)

 

David

Occupation: Masseuse
Hobbies: Parkour, though he’s admittedly awful at it
Human: Meg Crane (Arts and Culture Editor)

 

Stella

Occupation: Entomologist
Hobbies: An avid birder
Human: Meg Crane (Arts and Culture Editor)

 

Suki

Occcupation: An ever-patient nanny, who is often high on catnip
Hobbies: Magician – she can disappear like nobody’s business
Human: Meg Crane (Arts and Culture Editor)

 

Ms. Money Penny

Occupation: Break-and-enter expert
Hobbies: Causing general mayhem
Human: Daniel Crump (Photo Editor)

 

The Great Catsby Fitzgerald

Occupation: Professional alarm clock
Hobbies: Playing fetch
Human: Daniel Crump (Photo Editor)

 

Martin “Marty” Scorsese-Pashko-McFly

Occupation: Barking loudly at neighbourhood cats, then running away in fear (also applies to ducks and squirrels)
Hobbies: Chasing his tennis ball with a vigour and zealotry never hitherto seen in beast nor man
Human: Thomas Pashko (Features Reporter)

 

Bella

Occupation: Dog, guardian, nap companion
Hobbies: A game called Bites, in which she lies on her back and tries to gently bite your fingers while you grab her paws and boop your nose
Human: Melanie Dahling (Arts and Culture Reporter)

 

Willow

Occupation: Kibble connoisseur
Hobbies: Eating (obviously)
Human: Talula Schlegel (News Reporter)

 

Archie

Occupation: Attempting to escape the house to further explore his squirrel obsession
Hobbies: Sitting on whatever drawing I am working on while I’m working on it
Human: Gabrielle Funk (Staff Illustrator)

 

Hedwig (a.k.a. Wiggy)

Occupation: Watching my every move
Hobbies: Watching my every move
Human: Gabrielle Funk (Staff Illustrator)

 

Margot

Occupation: Finding food/stealing food/asking for food
Hobbies: Perfecting a meow that makes her sound like an elderly woman who smokes cigars
Human: Gabrielle Funk (Staff Illustrator)

 

Xander

Occupation: Guard dog
Hobbies: Walking into various objects, including people, places and things (context: he’s recently blind)
Human: Keeley Braunstein-Black (Staff Photographer)

 

Squeak

Occupation: Collecting dust and dirt like Pig-Pen from the Peanuts comics
Hobbies: Sleeping in the bathtub
Human: Callie Morris (Staff Photographer)

 

Archibald

Occupation: Currently unemployed, but looking forward to entering the job market once he recovers from life on the street
Hobby: Writing letters to his hundreds of kittens in the West End, who he can't see as often as he'd like
Human: Tim Runtz (Comments Editor)

 

To enter the Whose Cat contest, tweet us your favourite cat (and why) with the hashtag #uniterwhosecat before Oct 17 at noon. The winner will be randomly selected and will receive a professional portrait of the Whose Cat they chose.

Published in Volume 71, Number 6 of The Uniter (October 12, 2016)