Naming your sports team used to be easy – just pick some dangerous animal and you’re set.

Unfortunately, there are way more sports teams in the world then there are dangerous animals, so there’s a lot of team names that range from hilarious to “what in the world were they thinking.”

Some teams are named simply by choosing poor role models, like the high school team the Yuma Criminals or the University of Idaho Vandals. Having children in raised as Criminals and graduating as Vandals just doesn’t sound right.

Up next we have two teams that, well, if they played each other things could get a little messy. I’m talking about the Muhlenberg College Mules and the Southern Arkansas University Muleriders – I would expect the Muleriders to play dirty and win.

There is of course the MLS soccer team from New York called the Red Bulls – I bet you can’t guess who their sponsors are.

And then there are some team names that strike fear in the hearts of their opponents, or not.

Imagine hearing, “And introducing, the starting lineup for your Teutopolis Wooden Shoes!” or the ferocious war cry of the Grays Harbor College of Washington Fighting Artichokes.

Other non-threatening names include the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs, the Columbia College Fighting Koalas and the Brevard County Manatees. Well I guess some people might be afraid of slugs, but the others do not exactly strike a sense of fear into competitors.

Probably one of the funniest and weird names is Fart. Yes, there is a team out there whose official name is Fart. The Fart is a women’s professional soccer team from Norway that has been around since 1934. They play silent, but deadly.

Next up we have a hockey team from the Rhode Island School of Design called the Nads. This name was created for the sole purpose of being funny and their mascot is a giant set of genitals on hockey skates.

Their basketball team is called the “Balls.” I don’t know what their mascot looks like but judging by the hockey team’s mascot you can probably imagine.

Another funny team name is the Butte County High School Pirates or the Butte Pirates. I know I don’t have to say it but if you mispronounce Butte the team name sounds awfully dirty.

The Watersmeet Nimrods is also a great name. This is a high school team located in Northern Michigan, and I guess the Nimrods will not be doing well on their SATs.

Last but not least we have the Laurel Hill Hobos – a High School in Florida. This school must have been named for the graceful athletic abilities of their local homeless population.

Published in Volume 63, Number 18 of The Uniter (January 29, 2009)