Unpopular opinions

NJF

Seven years ago this month I quit drinking. Two years ago I wrote about it for a Uniter blog post, and the gist of it is that I didn’t quit because I was an alcoholic, simply because I didn’t like who I was when I drank. I put down a Lucky (ugh) at a party and said “I’m out” and that was it.

I drank from ages 15-24 (hey, Jeff Tweedy quit drinking at 24 and he turned out alright, eventually) and for a long time I joked that I would “get into enough trouble sober” but that’s not really the case anymore. I’m relatively boring by most peoples’ standards. Aside from people acting strange around me for doing something kind of normal, it’s been fine.

Additionally, I’ve never done drugs. Heck, I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. I think I drunkenly tried once and then drunkenly tried to mail it.

That isn’t to say that I haven’t been offered. I’ve had plenty of polite friends and pushy strangers offer whatever it was they were smoking/snorting/shooting, but I’ve always declined. It wasn’t because I saw a PSA (“I learned it by watching you!”) or because someone told me not to. I mean, whenever someone told me to watch The Wire I put it off for another year, so I like doing the opposite of a suggestion. I just never did any of it because it didn’t interest me. “How do you know until you try?” Well, I’ve never tried line dancing, murder or origami, either.

Logistically speaking I’ve never been a person who has felt comfortable plunking down money on something that will be gone in moments. From fancy food to amusement park rides, it doesn’t make much sense to me. That, and I’ve always had friends who do a lot of it. It kind of seems like a waste of time. People make a lot of plans when they’re high and rarely follow up on anything. I’m someone who actually, you know, wants to get shit done. Basically I’m too motivated to try your drug of choice.

I can count on one hand how many people I know that are in the same position as me (especially at my age, 31). It’s less common than being a virgin or liking the final two seasons of The X-Files.

Using just seems like name dropping to me, or going somewhere just to say you were there. “I was at (trendy bar) last night doing (drug of choice) and I saw (member of Kids in the Hall) and I totally yelled ‘Jerry Sizzler!’” It all kind of falls into this fake, uncertain world in which people make believe that reality doesn’t exist (which I guess is the point).  

When I quit drinking, people weren’t sure if they could enjoy a beverage in front of me. Please, enjoy. Same with anything else you’re into - it feels strange to me that people would hide this. Eight years in and it’s still kind of uncomfortable, because when you tell people that you don’t drink, they ask “not at all?” Correct. “What’s wrong with you?” is the follow up. There’s usually something about how I look too thin (lose weight by quitting drinking, whether you want to or not) followed by a discussion about my diet. This is all socially acceptable to most. Not getting drunk or high? Too much for most people. I also get the “straight edge” question a lot. I’m a person, just like you, but no, I don’t identify as such.

There’s also a big argument about the legalization of it all, which is something I’m not going to bother discussing because again, hey, go for it. You do you. There are plenty of things that are legal (Pilates, fly fishing) that I’ve never tried and again, have no interest in. It’s not about legal vs illegal for me, I’ve done (things removed to not upset NJF’s Grandma) plenty of times.

Sometimes I worry I might alienate myself by not getting drunk or high, but maybe I’m less social because I’m 31 and prefer to stay at home with my fiancée and dog and watch a PVR’s worth of Six Feet Under. I used to go out, and I don’t as much anymore, because I don’t care if I have a Friday night story.

Blink 182 was right, I guess this is growing up. I just didn’t have to tell as many dick and fart jokes to get here.

Nicholas Friesen doesn’t play video games either, for a lot of the same reasons.

Published in Volume 69, Number 5 of The Uniter (October 1, 2014)

Related Reads