The Toy Basket: Put a ring on it!

Here’s a proposal: “Dick, will you be merry with me?”

Hi cuties, I hope my last column was as good for you as it was for me. Last time, I gave a brief shout out to my favourite beginner toy, the vibrating cock ring. 

First of all, let’s take a minute to distinguish between novelty and functional cock rings. 

A functional cock ring is meant to fit tight, but not to an ouch-y degree. They are designed for men who are able to achieve an erection, but not keep one for long periods of time. Please don’t leave these guys on for more than 25 minutes. Seriously, let the penis breathe a bit. 

A lot of male strippers sport these, too. Luckily they come in a variety of colours to match whatever costume the gentleman entertainer might come up with, be it a cop or a sailor or a fireman or a fireman or a fireman. 

Generally, if a cock ring vibrates or has dangly bits/nubbly bubbly textures, it’s made to add some excitement to intercourse, masturbation or oral sex. It may add a little extra pressure at the base of the penis (something that feels pretty good for most men!) but it isn’t really made to hold an erection. 

Vibrating rings turn your basic household penis into a living vibrator. For all my lady lovers, you can also use a cock ring to turn a hard plastic vibe into a shiny new toy that will please your pussycat inside and out. Just be careful as jelly + jelly = melty, so keep those soft toys separate, kids.

I’ve always been a big fan of Dock Johnson’s Wonderland Vibrators, because the toys are silicone, they’re at a mid-range price, and they’re shaped like cute characters! I was very excited to see my favourite friends in cock ring form. I picked up the Mystical Mushroom C-Ring for $39.95 at Smitten in the Osborne Village.

The thing I love most about this toy is the intense, removable golden bullet that powers it. With 10 delicious settings of varying intensity, you can find something to please most partners.

The ring itself is made quite wide. Most c-rings look small at first and are made of very stretchy material. The Mystical Mushroom will budge a little, but if your partner has significantly less or more girth than average, it may not be the toy for you. This is the cock ring that Goldilocks picked. 

The Mystical Mushroom slides on nicely with some lube and stays in place. The vibrations are quiet and feel great for both parties, plus the cute mushroom perched at the top (or bottom, depending on the position) gives the clitoris some much needed attention.

My only issue with the bullet is that it takes watch batteries, which is a bit of a pain, especially as the ones that came with my vibe died pretty quickly. But the great thing about it being removable is that you have the option to use a different bullet with this ring, giving it some longevity.

This bunny is pleased. Hop on over to your local sex shop and check out the Wonderland series today!

Published in Volume 68, Number 12 of The Uniter (November 20, 2013)

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