In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months (or are one of the approximately seven billion people who don’t live in Winnipeg, and would therefore have no reason to care), there is a civic election scheduled in Winnipeg for Oct. 27, 2010.

That means that in a few months, we’ll all be doing one of three things: voting, not voting, or not voting but lying to friends about it and saying we did, so as not to appear lazy and socially irresponsible.

It’s no secret that I’ve never been a huge fan of Mayor Sam Katz. He’s always seemed to me like the smug little rich kid who takes pleasure in knowing (and in constantly pointing out) that his dad could fire your dad.

However, I must admit that I respect the hell out of his new campaign strategy. Katz kicked it off early last week during a soccer game between city councillors and inner city kids when he kicked one of the kids right in the face.

After kicking the small child right in the face, the mayor turned and walked away. From this, it is possible to infer that his actions were deliberate and calculated.

At first glance, this may seem like a strange thing to do in an election year, seeing as how kicking a child right in the face is generally frowned upon in most reputable circles.

But one might suspect that perhaps the mayor decided to kick this young child in the face in order to direct attention away from the fact that he is attempting to divert funds away from rapid transit in Winnipeg again.

To those of you who, like me, have finely tuned political instincts, his real strategy is not only clear, but also brilliant in its simplicity.

What Katz is, in fact, saying is this:

“Sure, some of the other candidates like Judy Wasylycia-Leis or Avery Petrowski might make better mayors than me, but do they have the balls to KICK A FUCKING KID IN THE FACE? Huh? Do they? No, I didn’t think so! Suck it!”

According to a source geographically close to City Hall, Mayor Sam “Pele” Katz is only getting warmed up. Next week he plans to drop a baby down a fire escape, and the week after that he’s scheduled to scald an 85-year-old Italian woman with burning hot cooking oil.

All in all, the message of the whole mayoral race so far can be summed up pretty quickly. Sure, it’s really funny to watch Sam Katz kick a small child in the face over and over on YouTube.

But, an even funnier and far more disturbing video will be one of us Winnipeggers scratching our heads on Oct. 28, after it turns out we’ve been dumb enough to re-elect him.

J. Williamez thinks of himself as a muckraking journalist. And, there aren’t many things dirtier than the mayor kicking a kid in the face: www.tinyurl.com/KatzKick.