I am done with February

Wet, cold and lonely

Awww shit, it’s February.

Seriously. Look outside. It’s February.

In case you don’t understand the severity of the situation, let me break it down.

February is like the Tuesday of the week, it’s not as shitty as Monday, but nowhere near as awesome as Wednesday which comes as a relief because the next day is Thursday, which is almost Friday. And we all know how kick ass Friday is. So the day that everybody hates, the one that feels like a waste of a day because all you’re doing is waiting for it to finish, yeah that’s February.

February is the month where we all look at the screen in the morning, hoping it stays around the -20 mark. Minus 20 we can do. What do we get? Who knows, it’s fucking February.

Seriously, Winnipeg has had temperatures ranging from -36 all the way to +1.

The weather isn’t the only reason why February sucks the big one. It is impossible to find a date in February. Why? Because of goddamned Valentine’s Day.

Think about it. Try asking someone out the first week of February, what are they going to think?

“Well if I say yes, I might be committed for Valentine’s Day. And who knows what that will lead to!”

Second week?

“Way to sound desperate, all you want is a Valentine’s Day date!”

Third week?

“What, you didn’t get any on the 14th so you figured you’d wait a few days and then go around preying on the vulnerable lonely people?”

I’m assuming you catch my drift. And if you’re lucky enough to be with somebody special during the beautiful month that is February, have fun spending money and worrying about whether or not your significant other will reciprocate.

And if the person you choose to pursue has recently read Twilight, well you’re beyond help. Edward Cullen has officially ruined any sort of hope for people without inhuman amounts of game in 2009. (I vote we form a support group.)

But don’t worry, the powers that be took pity on us and made February a glorious 28 days short.

Soon enough you’ll be forgetting that you can’t compete with a non-existent vampire who has captivated minds across the planet. And soon enough the weather will stabilize into the brown sludge that is springtime in Winnipeg.

March is on the way!

Alex Garcia is a University of Winnipeg student.

Published in Volume 63, Number 21 of The Uniter (February 26, 2009)

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