Being transgender doesn’t make dating any harder—or easier—than it is for other people.

Transgender people may not even consider it an issue.

“Trans people are cool,” said Rune Breckon, programming co-ordinator for Rainbow Resource Centre. “They might not identify as trans, just a person with a trans history.”

Breckon, who was born female but identifies as male, has a history of dating people of mixed backgrounds. Some were transgender, some not.

A transgender person is defined as someone who identifies their gender as something other than the one assigned to them at birth.

Breckon notes there is insecurity around coming out as a transgender person to a romantic interest, but that it falls under the same pitfalls any relationship does.

“For me, I’m just a person,” he said. “You’re going to like me or not.”

Breckon notes that every couple has to figure out each other’s boundaries, no matter what their orientation.

Breckon speaks openly about his past, but admits bringing the subject up with someone he is interested in can be difficult.

He has recently been interested in an attractive female cashier.

Not knowing how to openly state his story, Breckon found a creative solution. He gave a recent copy of his zine (an independently produced magazine), called Trans-zine, to the cashier.

He has yet to follow up with that person and isn’t sure how his history will be viewed.

“I’ve been in relationships where my trans identity is the focus,” he said. “It’s really about the other person, not the trans person. I’m just living my life.”

Wendy Carvalho is a non-transgender person who dated Breckon. Aware of his transgender history before they dated, Carvalho did not let it bother her.

But some people weren’t as understanding. She recalls a “negative curiosity” that some people had, treating the couple as an oddity.

“We definitely got funny looks in public,” Carvalho said. “Curiosity is natural, but when you experience it daily it’s exhausting. All of a sudden I had to redefine myself for others.”

Carvalho learned a lot about respect from the relationship.

“I had to establish boundaries, like ‘what do you like/ not like’ instead of learning by trial and error. It’s something I’ve taken to my other relationships.”

But things can get complicated for transgender people interested in marriage and children. Breckon questions the availability of information for transgender people who are wishing to adopt.

“Everybody is treated the same,” said a spokesperson for Winnipeg Child and Family Services Adoption Services who wished to not be identified. “Everybody has the right to apply to adopt.”

Breckon currently isn’t sure if he’ll get married in the future. He does want children, however, and will go through an adoption agency or consider foster care when the time comes.

If Breckon decides to get married some day, some queer-friendly wedding planners in Winnipeg are open to marrying transgender people.

“It’d be no different in terms of process,” said Paula Rutledge from Pride Bride, a queer-friendly wedding planner.

Rutledge said the one place where an issue may arise is in the legal declarations.

“On the marriage license you have to put m/f,” she said.

Many transgender people have not legally changed their gender to match their identity.

This may or may not affect a couple’s willingness to get married, but Rutledge admitted she didn’t know.

“We’ve had zero transgender marriages,” she said. “I thought we would get some for sure!”

Published in Volume 63, Number 21 of The Uniter (February 26, 2009)