2012, the latest disaster movie from German-born director Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day) is exactly what you would expect.

Loosely based on the Mayans’ pseudo-scientific conjecture that the end of the world will occur in the year 2012, the film is less concerned with the historical facts than it is with the crazy apocalyptic theories.

In reality, the Mayan calendar ends on Dec. 21, 2012 (forgetting about any potential miscalculations), the same way ours ends on Dec. 31; it’s the end of one thing and the beginning of something new.

There wasn’t actually any Mayan prediction of global destruction on that day, but that would have made for a very boring movie.

John Cusack, who plays the film’s harrowed hero, is an interesting casting choice, as he can often bring so much to a character (for instance, in Grosse Pointe Blank or Pushing Tin). However, he is wasted here as Jackson Curtis, the white, middle-aged, divorcee disaster-movie cliché who is just trying to do what’s best for his family.

The film sets up Curtis as a relatively sympathetic character whose pursuit of life and love has not exactly worked out – but his development essentially ends there.

The movie’s two settings – overdrive and neutral – are exhausting to watch, with grandiose scenes of destruction and cosmic malevolence (spoiler alert: it’s all the sun’s fault) mashed up with scenes of quiet family tension and togetherness.

The film, best described by review clichés like “roller-coaster ride” and “visual cornucopia,” features stunning visuals but little else beyond familiar disaster film tropes – from “the crazy guy who makes a bit of sense” (Woody Harrelson) to the “the precocious children” (à la Jurassic Park) and, of course, “the dog that just won’t die,” an Emmerich staple.

Other clichés included here are “jerks getting their comeuppance,” “the black president” and “close call” after “closer call” after “closest call.”

Our culture’s fascination with armageddon is so potent that the film industry can continue to exploit it for decades. We’re likely to even see a resurgence of disaster flicks once we reach the year 2013 – and find we’re still around.

Perhaps the sequel will be ready by then.

Published in Volume 64, Number 12 of The Uniter (November 19, 2009)