An open letter to the person who stole my bike seat

Dear person who stole my bike seat,

Well why did you do it?

How does my bike seat fit into your nefarious plans? Seriously, it probably won’t even fit your bicycle, if you have one. Seat posts have sensitive sizes, and if it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s useless to you.

Maybe it’s my fault.

After all, I did condescend to lock my bike up on the street. But I get tired of having to strip my bike of all valuables and accessories before leaving it in public spaces. Ever walked into a coffee shop carrying a wheel, basket, lights and fenders? It’s not fun.

Obviously you have experience carrying random bicycle components, so you know how awkward it is.

I did consider that you were just a jerk with no agenda other than jerkdom. I checked out the nearby dumpsters in case you were just a lazy thief. I found nothing seat-shaped, and my week was summarily wrecked.

Would a pawn shop buy a used bicycle seat with obvious wear and tear? Doubtful.

It was such a nice seat. It brought me many places in comfort and style. I miss it.

You jerk.