Watch me watch you watch that dude

People watching has long been a favourite public pass-time of mine, since I spend a lot of time wasting my time in public places.

Why would I want to watch people? Because people do strange and awesome things.

Most people watching consists of people doing completely mundane things like checking their bank balance or buying a pack of smokes. But sometimes, if you wait patiently enough through all the boring normal crap, people watching brings you glorious gems of absurd moments.

I once saw a guy with one leg on crutches almost get hit by a car, then take his crutch and hit the car back.

I once saw a woman carefully examine (and possibly smell, although I could have misinterpreted this) the dog crap she had just picked up after her Rottweiler.

Lone drivers are the best people watching victims, since the vehicle creates a mental barrier that makes the driver believe he/she is invisible.

It’s surprising how many middle aged males like to sing Britney songs at the top of their lungs.

People watching is always a fun solo activity but it’s even more fun with a friend or two, because then you can play games.

The Invent a Personality Game is probably the most common, especially in airports. When you see a person walking by, you arbitrarily create a fake personality for them, based mostly on physical appearances and erroneous assumptions.

I suggest to take it up a notch by coming up with what their super power would be.

For instance, that lady wearing a skin tight velour track suit with bleached blonde hair teased into an intimidating mass of curls is really Super Cougar; luring young men into her fortress of satin sheets by crooning Bon Jovi songs and buying them drinks for a change.

Even more fun is Three Strikes, You’re Married, a game in which your friend arbitrarily selects from a crowd of people three passers-by who will be your only available options for marriage.

If you turn down the first two bachelors/bachelorettes, you are stuck with the third till death do you part. Usually, this means that if you’re picky, you will, in the hypothetical realm of existence, be stuck with the crazy woman who shouts obscenities in the food court forever and ever.

Although, if you’re into that sort of thing then I hope you live long and happy lives together.

It’s best to try to keep your people watching parties on the down low, though. It gets awkward when people start watching you people watch.